Sitting quietly... thinking, wondering and reflecting
i am in this really interesting space lately for growth, reflection and evaluation of my life, my goals and my purpose. Every time I take to writing this blog- I seem to be in a similar mind space. This time is a little different though…
A couple weeks ago I made the decision to close my gym, which I had owned, managed and grown over the course of 7 years and 2 months. The fitness industry was kind to me and my family for a lot of years- not just from owning the gym, but also from my time spent as a personal trainer- working at a regular gym.
For a lot of years I loved the fitness space, meeting people where they were at and helping them transform their lives and their health to the degree that they wanted. In my over 12 years in the industry, I helped clients lose tens of thousands of pounds, gain confidence and even in a way mentored many trainers in my community to start their own gyms and do the same.
Owning a gym is one of the most fulfilling things I have done to date in my life, but I am only in my early 30’s so I also still have a lot left of life to live.
People have asked me why I closed the gym…
How do I answer? Honestly… careful not to give too much information or be too negative.
It’s weird, because 3 weeks before I made the hard decision to close the gym- we received an award for “Best Gym in Wyoming” this award was given based off our social and online presence of reviews. We had over 220 reviews between various platforms ranging from Facebook, Google, Yelp and every where inbetween.
The issue with having that many reviews- it didn’t equate to sales.
A business lives and dies by transactions, and money that customers pay for a product or service.
Turns out a service based gym has a ridiculous amount of overhead between rent, utilities, software, client incentives, payroll and everything in between. The business last year- being our best year in business ran 30% margins- not bad.
This year though- in 2019- we saw a rapid decline in transactions, clients in the door and people who were willing to spring the expense of caring for their health. I don’t know why- because looking around we seemed to be kicking ass, but no one was coming in, and the people who were coming in were not enough to counter the loss of clients every month. This is called churn.
So we ramped up our service and retention efforts, got better in every way. Business continued to slip.
January was down 20% from the year before.
February - June were down 30% from the year before- goodbye profit.
July- August were down 35% from the year before, this is where we started losing money and cutting extraneous expenses, from wages, to softwares we rarely used. We continued marketing- but our ad costs skyrocketed while people coming in the door dipped.
September- November we hung on for dear life, said our prayers, cut more costs and still didn’t have more clients coming in…. we were down 50% from the year before, and I was out of money that I had stowed away just to get us this far.
Talking to people in the industry in my area proved to me that it wasn’t just us… every business and gym business around was down this year.
After much thought, prayer, consul and consideration I decided I was done. I could have cut my staff and plowed through- but truth be told I don’t have the passion or the energy to work 18 hours days just to survive.
There came a point of no return… looking at my business, how deep in debt we had gotten and finally realizing there was no way out of the hole than to simply get out of the hole negotiate my debts and pivot.
Pivot…
The word that had become my mantra in 2019.
So here I find myself, still buttoning up my business and pondering what is next for me… It’s a strange place to find myself.
I can’t look at closing my business as a failure, because I know I gave it everything I have. I fought until fighting more didn’t make any sense, so now I pivot… where to? Who knows, but I will keep you posted
Raising teenage boys (this sh*t ain't easy)
My son is 15, and the last few years beginning in 7th grade has been more challenging than I could ever imagine. I have often joked that there is the reason the parenting books no longer offer advice after 10 years old. I am pretty sure it’s because- even the pro's have no idea how to truly proceed with a blossoming adult.
The angst, the frustration, the acting out.
Every kid is different.
From what I hear from most parents with multiple children there is always one, that tests everything you know or thought to be true. They challenge your sanity and your sense of reason.
Teenagers in most cases defy any sense of logic. Some more than others. This adventure of raising a troubled teenager has left me scratching my head- completely dumbfounded, more often then I like to admit. Asking friends, my counsellor or searching the internet- How to I help my troubled teen? How do I help him pivot?
The best the internet and blogs has given me is “give it to God,” or have him “connect with Christ.”
Don’t get me wrong I love God, I love Jesus, heck I love the budda and every other diety, but when you are in the thick of insanity with your kid- I need answers, I need actions I can take, I need strategy- not something airy fairy or vague. I can pray until the cows come home- or until my son overdoses again, attempts suicide again, skips class again, fails out of school again, steals or vandalizes someone's property again, or runs aways again (because God told him to, or so he says.)
What do you do when you see your kid in death spiral- determined to destroy himself?
So many people on the internet write about the fluff and stuff. The easy ish in life. Heck I like to write about the easy things in life- because they are fun, lighthearted and the things I want to remember when it’s all said and done.
So what have we tried that has been a bundle of failure- because at this point it’s just grasping at straws, and hoping we get it right- because that is all this life is- a hope to get it right.
Discipline- taking away cell phone, and devices (this makes a difference for a short period) the pressures our kids are under just on their phones is something all adults understand- but we all fail to prepare our children for, I think many adults are unprepared for the pressures of social media and phone addiction. That’s a different topic though for a different day.
Working with his school to create a plan for success, and seeing that it is executed.
Changing Schools
Counselling and treatment centers
Providing him with mentors who can guide him
Being honest about how his behaviors affect us as a family and even still we love him and will continue to be here
Encourage him to talk
Calling the cops when it’s the only option (this isn’t my favorite option- but there is something about riding home in the back of a cop car or facing a judge to wake one up I think)
Being positive, and constantly trying to reinforce the positive actions, attitudes
Family dinners and family meetings
Kid Date nights or date days (1 kid at time) this seems to work as far as making him feel seen, and the positives last at least a few days after.
Meditation- turns out my son and one of my daughters loves to meditate.
Listening to podcasts in the car or letting my son play DJ while we drive.
Bottom line raising a challenging teen, is a test of mettle for me the parent and probably for all other parents struggling through the teen years. All we can do is try to love the snot out of our kids, and hope for the best. It is one of the most impossible loves- loving your children. That unconditional love- that keeps you up at night.
What I have found through all this. When my kids aren’t ok- I’m not ok. Not in work, not personally, not spiritually. There is a desperation for things to get better, a sadness that things aren’t better, and a hopelessness that you can only understand when you no longer have control over your children’s or really anyone’s decisions.
At some point we all make our own decisions, and when we see our kids making the hard decisions- it is a hard hard pill to swallow, because all we want to do is save them from themselves. Unfortunately it’s just life, it’s being a parent. Being so connected to another human being to be able to let them go and let them live.
My Dad says one of the hardest things you will ever do is letting your kids grow up, and TRUSTING that YOU (the parent) gave them the tools to thrive. It’s as much about trusting your children to course correct as trusting yourself that you didn’t completely f*ck it up.
I’d love to know your thoughts or even advice if you got it:)