How to Start Believing in Yourself
I think we all go through times of getting knocked down, getting back up and having to dust ourselves off. A lot of people, have spent their lives getting knocked down, roughed around, talked down and at times it seems like you have more critics than cheerleaders.
Not everyone is going to believe in you and your dreams like you do, and most people want you to stay small, because it makes them more comfortable. At the end of the day- you have to have your back regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does.
You can feel like a complete imposter, insecure, and unsure as you move forward towards your dreams and goals, but if you believe in yourself- that you are capable, smart, strong and can figure things out. There is literally nothing you can’t do.
It is easier to not believe in yourself, to not defend yourself, to not think for yourself and to not pursue your own dreams and goals, then it is to allow others to dictate how you see yourself.
Most times the way we think others see us isn’t accurate- unless they told you. The way we think others see us often is a result of how we see our most insecure and weakest parts of ourselves, those are the thoughts we think others have about us. Which is just a way our subconscious keeps us safe, and prevents us from pursuing life on our terms.
To break this cycle of negative self talk, being down on yourself and giving into the worst thoughts of ourselves and the worst things people have said to us, it helps to have a plan to build yourself us.
Our thoughts, for the most part are automatic- so if you want to change your thoughts, and change your beliefs about yourself- we have to shift our brains from automatic mode to manual mode for a bit, until your brain get a handle on your new way of thinking and believing. Below are a few ways to take back control of your thoughts, and intentionally change how you see yourself and what you are capable of.
Acknowledge Your Strengths
I get it, it’s beyond easy to focus on your weaknesses, only your weaknesses while never looking at your strengths. Somewhere in the midst of being a woman and a human we got this collective idea, that if you think highly of yourself you are somehow a smug, pompous, full of yourself goober- who nobody likes or want to be around. Eww.
Give yourself permission to let go of that toxic thought process. It’s not serving you and it never will.
It’s ok to acknowledge what an adorable badass you are. Then recognize all of your good qualities just as much or dare I say more than you recognize all of your perceived weaknesses.
If you have been beaten down to the point where you feel like a shell of human, this step is even more important. Even if you have to start small, because it feels like you are one big ball of weakness, insecurity, and unworthiness with an affinity to surrounding yourself with people who only confirm all that ick.
As you become more practiced at recognizing and acknowledging your strengths, the easier it gets. It feels clumsy before it feel fab, so have patience with yourself.
Acknowledge Past Wins
People are either motivated in life by winning or they are motivated in life by not losing. Personally, I love to win- winning is my favorite. Any reason to celebrate, I am your girl.
No matter how small the wins are, we all have at least a handful- if you truly don’t feel like you have ever done or accomplished anything, a few things you may consider.
> Change your perspective from being a victim to being a student, and reflect on all the possible lessons you could have learned from simply attempting something bold.
> Start small, if you know without a shadow of a doubt, that all you seem to do is lose. Even if it’s something as small as getting out of bed, and brushing your hair. A win is win no matter how small.
For my fitness clients, were in the process of losing weight- it often felt like they were making no progress, because the scale wasn’t changing, their clothes weren’t changing, all the physical and visual things were not changing. So instead of focusing of the results, we would focus on the winning efforts that would eventually accumulate enough for them to see more visual changes. Things like, drinking their water, sticking to their meal plan, and getting enough sleep.
When you can focus on the small wins, the small wins add up to big wins over time.
Acknowledge Areas of Struggle
When you can recognize areas that you struggle with, it can be a lot easier to prepare for them. You have your areas of struggle, that you know consistently shows up as struggle for you.
Maybe you have a tendency to talk yourself out of what you really want.
Maybe you self sabotage with busy-ness, food, negative thoughts, pity parties, alcohol, drugs, blaming your kids for not doing the things you want to do, creating excuses, not allocating the income.
Whatever the areas that seem to come up as struggle for you, when you know what to expect from yourself, you can create a plan to walk through the struggle instead of getting stuck in it.
Acknowledge Where You Want to Win
You don’t have to focus on the things, all the time. our focus as human beings is fairly limited and if you are trying to hit 50 big goals in the next 12 weeks you will fail in every area.
Knowing where you want to to win, and pursuing it like a junkyard dog with a bone will give you the confidence to pick new and different areas you want to win in.
Acknowledging where you want to win, is a simple as discovering the answer to this one question.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Set Goals
Set some goals! Goals are stating what you want in a very clear way, some refer to the method as SMART Goals.
S- Specific
M- Measurable
A- Achievable
R- Relevant
T- Time Bound
Know what you want. Know when you want it. Is it possible for you in the that time period? Is your goal relevant to what you want? Know how long you are giving yourself to achieve it.
Break It Down
Break down your goals to bite size chunks. What you want to achieve is a matter of small daily actions repeated consistently over time.
I like to call these bite size daily actions your focus goals, because when you are focused on doing the right kind of work, and doing it consistently- you will get results.
What 1-3 actions do you need to take that will help you get micro wins that will add up to the big win that you want?
Stay Committed
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
It’s easy to say you want something, do the work for a few weeks while your excited, and then once you realize that the consistent efforts you take everyday are work and not always fun, most people quit, give up, or give into the next shiny object that catches their attention.
Staying committed to your goals means doing the work after the excited that got you started has left you.
Surround Yourself with People WHO BELIEVE IN YOU
When you are surrounded by people who believe in you, who cheer you on it is so much easier to achieve the things you want to achieve.
Often the people who don’t believe in you, who don’t cheer you on will surprise. They will typically be the people who you care for the most- family, friends, spouses, and other people you are close to. The thing is, these people want to keep you safe, and don’t want you to fail, get hurt, or be disappointed- so many won’t support you having dreams and goals because if you don’t try you can never fail.
Sometimes placing the least supportive people at an arms length distance while you work towards your goals and dreams is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Finding people who think like you want to think, dream like you dream, and have achieved the success you want to have is best shot of motivation and inspiration you can give yourself.
Success can be achieved without people who believe in you, but when you surround yourself with people who support you- success does become a bit easier and more enjoyable.
Building your self belief is an inside job, it’s not easy- but I believe that when you believe in yourself, you really can’t fail. Even if you have failed in the past or never tried anything bold because you simply lack belief in yourself. We all go through failures, upsets, and plot twists that shatter our confidence and self belief. How long you allow yourself to stay down and disempowered is 100% up to you. It’s my belief there is something to learn in every season, whether you are up or down.
Being hard on yourself is easy, putting yourself down is natural. It takes real effort to change that, and to lose patience with the you who is the harshest, most critical version of yourself.
You have the power, and the ability to change your thoughts , feelings and beliefs about yourself at any time. Take control of your narrative, change your life.
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