The crisis of motherhood
As women, when we have children, most of us go through an identity crisis. The instant they are born, deep love we have for our children when they are born sends most of down a path of sacrifice, love, compassion, exhaustion and desire to care for another human like we never thought possible.
As women, when we have children, most of us go through an identity crisis. The instant they are born, the deep love we have for our children when they are born sends most of us down a path of sacrifice, love, compassion, exhaustion and desire to care for another human like we never thought possible.
Whether you become a mother early in life or later. Most of us face the decision to be a stay at home mom, continue to work or find a solution where we can work while still prioritizing our children.
Regardless of what path you choose, it’s easy to find yourself constantly in a state of some level of guilt.
Mom guilt is real and comes in many forms.
When you prioritize yourself and your dreams like when you get up early to workout, work on your dreams.
When you prioritize your work and purpose like when you have to meet a client outside of school hours, when your kids are in school.
The other side of mom guilt is when you are feeling guilting about wanting to work instead of spending time with your family.
If you are with your kids, you probably also experience the guilt of thinking about work. If you are any thing like me you love your work almost as much you love your children.
Having a purpose that motivates you to get out of bed is everything to you.
When my children were small I stayed home with them for 2 years, and disappeared as a person and a woman. My identity dissolved into my children and I found myself depressed and lost. I missed talking to people my age and being in the flow of life, but I wanted to raise my children like my mother raised me.
The constant ebb and flow of priorities and seeking creative ways to provide for my family without having to miss out on them growing up is a constant juggle, but I think with time, setting expectations with yourself, your kids, your spouse and the people you work with makes it easier.
As mothers who love to work and want to grow professionally and personally while raising a family…
REMEMBER…
YOU AREN’T ALONE IN YOUR STRUGGLES
YOUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING YOU AND LEARNING HOW TO LIVE, WORK & PLAY. Make sure you are living a life you are proud of.
YOU GOT THIS!
How do you define and measure success?
uccess comes in many different forms and can be evaluated from many different perspectives.
The top 3 Ways we have been socially conditioned to measure success are:
Money
Influence
Freedom
How each person defines success is different from person to person. Success for some is never achieved, because success is reserved for those people… you know the ones, you see them- but clearly those people have something you do not.
Success comes in many different forms and can be evaluated from many different perspectives.
The top 3 Ways we have been socially conditioned to measure success are:
Money
Influence
Freedom
For many people who achieve the money, influence and freedom- still find themselves unfulfilled and still chasing. People who have achieved “success,” without truly evaluating what success means to them find themselves, depressed, lost, in crisis and searching.
So it’s important to evaluate what success means to you. There is a variety of ways we can and should measure success as it applies to us and our values. Here are a aspects of your life to evaluate and note what is important to you and what success truly means to you.
4. Physical health- this can range from your physical fitness, health, and activity level. You ability to keep up with your kids, seduce your spouse and feel attractive or ability to survive the zombie apocolypse.
5. Mental & Emotional Health- how are you doing managing stress, depression, facing down your demons and managing your own crazy (and we all got crazy.)
6. Healthy Intimate relationships- this could mean having a happy and healthy intimate relationship with your spouse, partner, or your person.
7. Healthy Core Friendships- you get do define and pick who your people are, how much you talk to them and even when you see them. We all have that handful of people you haven’t seen for years and when you reconnect it is like no time as past,
8. Healthy Social Life- whether you like to connect in the community through church, fundraisers, meetups, work or coffee shops, you decide how you get out in the world, how often, when and what a successful social life looks like to you. People need people. We need connection and connections to blossom and flourish in life.
9. Spirituality- I define this as my connection to source and the universe. Some call it God, Spirit, Buddha, Allah. However you define connection. I believe it’s important to have a spiritual practice whether it’s prayer, meditation, going to church, spending time in nature. Whatever it looks like to you-define it.
10. Contribution- How do like to contribute to the world around you? Volunteering, donating you time or money, encouraging others, working with the youth. This one I find is more important than many people like to admit. There really is no better feeling than knowing you made an impact for other people.
11. Fun, Hobbies & Leisure- HAVE FUN! Life is not just work, go home, eat, sleep, repeat. Get a hobby, learn something new. Experience new places, new cultures and make some freaking memories.
12. Work- Do work you love. Life is too short to spend time doing things you hate. You don’t have to follow your passion, but bring your passion and joy with you. If you find work you enjoy- you will never work another day in your life. Sure not all days will be great, but when you enjoy the work you do, the hard days are easier to get thru and make the struggles worth it.
As you evaluate what success means to you, question all these areas of your life. Some areas you will look at and go, “ I’m good- solid- this is how I want my life to look.” Other areas you will look at go,”Dang! I have a lot of work to do in this area to feel happy or successful.”
Once you know where you stand in all the aspects of your life, paint a picture of what success means for you each area and make a plan to fix it significantly over the next 90 days.
Make a plan to take 1 action a day that will move you closer towards your vision of success. Schedule that action into your calendar and do it.
An example of this- you want to improve your intimate relationship, so over the next 90 days you commit to writing a little love note to your sweetie each day with no expectations for it to be reciprocated.
As you go through the next 90 days take a note of the progress each week.
2020 Can be the best Year yet- but it will take being intentional in setting your goals, and working towards your goals.