Greed & Selfishness are Good

Growing up, I was raised in the Catholic church. I attended Catholic School.

On the mornings my mom would bring us to school, she would take my brothers and I to 6a morning mass and prayers. Typically my brothers and I would fall asleep in the the car, then again in the pews during mass, then be starving and rambunctious by the time mass was over and it was time to go to prayers.

Then off to school we would go, where every Thursday we would get a second dose of church when the entire school was ushered 2 blocks to Saint Mary’s Cathredral.

Religion, rituals, judgement, shame, and guilt were stuffed down my throat from a very early age.

As I grew up, I decided to unintentionally break mothers and a majority of my families hearts when I decided not to get confirmed in the Catholic church.

At 16 I became pregnant, and was swiftly introduced to the standard protocol for a young catholic pregnant girl. I was sent away to stay with my aunt, who had also been an young pregnant woman. I guess she was supposed to talk me into putting my child up for adoption, or educate me on what it was like to be an unwed mother.

When I got home from my aunts, I was handed pamphlets for “Girls Homes for Unwed Mothers," and shuffled around to more relatives, then taken to adoption agency where I was told to put my child up for adoption.

I wouldn’t.

Then it was decided I was an out of control teenager, and I was told by my parents, “If you are going to make adult decisions, then go be an adult.”

At 16 I was thrown out, and left to figure life out on my own. I was ok with it- mostly.

I was free.

What I didn’t realize would control much of my life, and my thinking over the next several years what everything I had been taught and told about myself.

The shame was still there.

The guilt was still there.

The feelings of never being enough.

The anger about being told I was the most selfish person alive, by many family members.

The frustration with my fathers obsession with money, and the expense of things.

I was free… but I wasn’t.

On my own, I set about a course of trying to right my life, and do what I thought was in the best interest of my child. So I married my son’s biological father, we went to Georgia (one of the few states in the country, where at the time you could get married underage if you are pregnant without parental consent.) The marriage was short lived.

I dropped out of school, got my GED, started classes at the local community college, got a job, and started saving money.

Within a year, my parents and I had reconciled- and I went to work for my Dad at his chain of pawnshops, once again doing what I was supposed to do, learn the family business.

………..

I know what you are thinking, Sara are you going to get the point?

Yes, but i wanted you first to understand where I have come from, in order to understand where the remainder of this is going, especially with such a confrontational title of Greed & Selfishness are Good.

I know the bleeding heart will argue with me, and many will make valid points.

Onward.

……

Greed and selfishness are good- though that is not how I was raised to think.

I was taught to take care of others first, do what’s best for others first, don’t worry about your own needs.

Society uses phrases like,"you are all about the money,” “you are so selfish” “you are so greedy” as insults, and put downs.

If you believe selfishness is a bad thing, when someone insults you by telling you are selfish- it cuts deep, and makes you feel like a terrible person

If you believe greed is a bad thing, when someone tells you that you are “all about the money” it makes you not want to pursue money or wealth.

Here’s the thing though, if you are not willing to take care of yourself, and do what’s in your best interest, you can’t effectively take care of others or do what’s in their best interest without inserting your own expectations for how your good deeds with serve you.

Same with greed and money. Wanting to make, save, protect and keep what is yours what you have earned is not a bad thing- it’s responsible. With money that has been hard fought for, and hard won, and hard kept you can change and transform the legacy of your family and of course yourself.

Everyone is greedy and selfish- and the people who sling selfishness and greed around like they are insults and the greediest and most selfish of them all, because somehow they feel like you owe them something. A cut of your hard earned money, or a piece of your soul.

It’s nutty when you stop to think about it.

Greed can appear in many forms, and it’s not something that only appears in the wealthiest of our society. I would argue- that the wealthiest among us are the least greedy- because with their money they can and most do effect more change by starting foundations, donating gobs of money to charities that mean something to them. If you have been to charity function- they are the ones writing checks that are larger than most peoples paychecks for a year. Tell me how that is greedy.

Greed appears when people think that they are entitled to what is yours.

Think of when someone wins the lottery, a lawsuit, or inherits a fair amount of money- it’s typically gone very quickly because- when you have money, or you have stuff, people will feel like you own them something which is true greed.

Then the beneficiary of the funds gives the money and things away, because they don’t want to be viewed as greedy or selfish.

Because as most people rationalize it- greed is bad.

If you have money you are greedy.

If you are greedy you are a bad person.

Money makes you a bad person.

Which must mean if you are broke- you are a good person, and you are selfless.

People who are selfless, care more about others than they care about themselves- somehow martyring themselves in the process.

If you are selfless you are a good person.

If you are selfless you will go to heaven

If you are selfless abundant blessings are waiting for you.

My friends, if you are selfless, you are probably a doormat, and depressed. You likely don’t know who you are, what matters to you, or what you have to offer the world. You seek to serve others because you will get some kind of karmic pay off.

Selfishness is one of those things that people throw out as an insult to somehow give themselves a moral high ground.

What if being selfish and owning that shit was actually self responsible?

What if being selfish, doing what’s best for you and your family was the most responsible and least damaging things you could do for society and yourself?

Any kind of desire to make money, provide for your family, take care of yourself were actually good.

What if greed was good.

What if selfishness was actually the better option?

What if the person spewing insults, was actually just another hurt person- trying to place their own hurts and sufferings onto you?

I know the negative hurtful thought processes of greed and selfishness and the pain associated with the insults of others and even the things we tell ourself about selfishness and greed- because I have worked relentlessly hard to understand the hook that these words have on me based off how I was raised.

I think the guilt and shame that comes with the impleccations of being told you are greedy, or being told you are selfish are far more damaging that the meanings of the words themselves.

They are words that are tossed around to people back in “their place” and to lower you to another level, that you were never meant to live and exist at.

If people want to accuse you of being greedy or selfish- note that they are the ones who are the most selfish and greedy - because they are angry about the fact that you can’t and won’t be controlled by the communal thinking.

It’s ok to exist on the fringes of creating, receiving, contributing and caring. At the end of the day- if you are not ok, your family is not ok, your business is not ok, chances are you are not ok.

The world need you to be ok, because you are here for big things, big contributions- so be selfish, be greedy and know it’s self responsible- and not actually a bad thing!

God didn’t create you to broke. God didn’t create you to be pathetic. God didn’t create you for any less that pursuing your greatest work in the world. It’s time to stop holding back because you are afraid of what people might think or say, because that is truly the greatest definition of greed and selfishness.

You weren’t meant to be contained or kept bottled up.

If you are ready to make a bigger difference to the world around and those you serve and you want to serve more people at your highest level, get my FREE High Ticket Sales Script Here.

If you are want to explore working with me on a private one on one capacity, click here to book a call.

Can Working With Family Work?

Many small businesses on main street are the good ole family run mom and pop shops, but many marriages are ruined on the field of business.

It’s hard to work for family and it’s hard to work with family.

You love your family, you wish you could spend more time with them, and maybe you have even paid family members to do odd jobs in your business when you were short on time but long on tasks.

When you work with family, there is no escaping. So if your family relationships are challenging on the best of days, proceed with caution.

I have worked with and for family to various degrees over the last 16 years. One of my early jobs was with my Dad, working the counter at one of his pawnshops, I learned some incredible things working in the pawnshop from how to sweep and mop a floor, merchandise, value products, negotiate, buy low and sell high.

I also learned the as my fathers daughter, he will always expect more from me than anyone else- because I should know better- even when I didn’t know.

I learned, while working for my dad I could not be his daughter and his employee. I was his employee then his daughter, but working in the shops also allowed me to spend time with my dad that I never had before.

i remember when I wanted to change careers, and exit my Dad’s wing of protection- I was terrified to have the conversation- because I didn’t want to disappoint him or let him down. I needed to forge my own path out of his shadow.

Then when I started my gym I had my little brother come on as a trainer for me. It was good until it wasn’t. I was a terrible leader at that time, and terrible communicator, and left to many holes and unanswered questions. At that time, I would tell people who worked for me, even my brother, to do what they wanted as opposed to what I wanted and needed them to do.

So many lessons were learned.

I ended up having to release my brother to industry when I realized we did not have a shared vision for my company. It sucked- we didn’t talk for 2 years after that.

If I ended the story there- you would think I strongly advise against working with family, but I don’t.

About 5 years the experience with my brother, I had worked hard on becoming a better leader, manager, communicator and decided I would give this working with family thing another shot.

I asked my husband to come into the business full time, and work with me… and he said yes. Turns out I had learned from my previous experiences, and working with my husband turned into one of the greatest blessings and treasures of my life.

We grew closer as partners, in work and home.

I think working with family can work, but a few things need to be established early on.

• Communication cycles

• Job Description

• Expectations

• How you plan to nurture your relationship at home, not just in the office

• Boundaries

• Clear plan to address conflicts and issues as they arise

The biggest and I mean the BIGGEST thing you must do if you intend to make working with family a positive experience for everyone involved- you, your family member, and other employees- is to create crystal clear boundaries and expectations early on.

When I was working with my Dad and brother- the expectations, boundaries and communication was laughable at best. We were a hot mess of disfunction, disorder, and mind games. Though none of it was intentionally malicious- the fact that nobody thought to communicate better ultimate caused major riffs and breakdowns.

When my husband came to work with me, we had 2 cautionary tales behind us, and an agreement that divorce isn’t an option- and killing each other was also off the table. We had to be proactive in meeting the problems that would be meet us along the way, by addressing them before we got to them.

The first week of my husband coming into the business was spent locked in the office laying the ground work.

For any other hire- the foundation and structures would have been established prior to even posting a help wanted ad.

In this case though we needed to be 100 % on the same page.

So on some giant sticky notes we broke down every aspect of our lives together from the bedroom to the boardroom.

• Clearly defined both of our roles- what were the tasks only I could do, what were the tasks that only he would do, and what were tasks that we shared

• Scheduled week business meetings to discuss what working, what wasn’t and get help.

• Planned for date night and intimate time

• Placed boundaries on when we would talk about work when we got home

• Clearly defined how we would handle conflict between

• Review and edited our org chart to reflect our new roles in the company

• We also clearly spelled out what winning at work would be and what winning at home would be

• Set our schedules and work times

• I took the time to communicated the companies vision, core values, and client centric mission- just like I would with any new hire.

Without taking the time to instill these expectations and systems- working together would have never worked.

Can you work with family?

I believe you can.

It’s crucial though, if you are going to choose to work with family that all parties involved are on the same page. Being family- doesn’t mean you are on the same page. It just means you share the same DNA.

We have to be just as intentional, if not more intentional when we bring a family member on to work with us. Because an rift between family members can make the workplace a battlefield for other team members and employees.

Want to work with your family- but don’t know where to start- let’s hop on a call, and discuss how you can bring your family into the fold of your business without blowing up your family or blowing up your business (in a bad way.) Click here to book your call.

You can also connect with me and my community over on facebook in my Momma Boss Collective Facebook Group